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| A sweet memory of my lonely bike ride while on vacation |
This is my own insight I learned through the cource of my life. It happenned that after graduating from high school I've been involuntary lonely ever since, I was popular in college, I've been complimented on my looks and how good looking I am ever since, even some of my clients said blatantly to me that they hired me initially because of how good looking I am. But despite all that I never had lasting connections, I had lots of aquintances but zero friends, people came and go despite how hard I tried to be their friend or boyfriend(with the girls I dated).
And as it seemed like everybody around less better looking then me had lots of friends and normal personal life I was feeling more insecure about myself and it was just eating me from inside. I felt deeply depressed for years and I couldn't even fully enjoy my hobbies.
I kind of knew it in the back of my mind but I only fully embraced it after fighting in a war and seeing lots of deaths and terrors and I feel bad that I wasn't able to embrace it earlier while still a civilian in peaceful city and how many good days I've lost because of it. So I feel completely fine and happy even on my own and I'll be striving for the best and even if I'll never meet the ONE and die alone I'm still goona live a great life as loner and be completely happy ALONE.
And now it really feels that life just switched to the easy mode.
After I completely wired this mindset into myself I never felt so free and it just became my nature.
